Emotional Adultery – Is It a Crime?
I am thinking over and over again if emotional adultery is a crime? Do I cheat my husband if I have feelings for someone else, except him? But let’s start from the beginning.
Three years ago I went out with my friends alone without my husband (John) – there were men and women in the group. It is not unusual thing to go out without him – he has HIS friends and I have MINE. Once a week each of us go out with friends and have fun with them. That is very good thing for the marriage – to have some time alone with your own friends. By that time we were happily married for 4 years and I was so in love with him that I didn’t notice any other man. My husband is handsome and clever – he is everything I have dreamt for. However, when I went out with my friends that night something unexpected happened – I was introduced to a guy (Jake) and (I guess) his girl. She was very sexy – blond and in fantastic shape… and he… well, I though he is so cute that I felt jealous that he has a girlfriend. I don’t know how that happened. I was happily married, loved my husband (and still do) and everything seemed perfect in our relationship. I couldn’t take my eyes of him (he looked completely different from my husband but I was instantly attracted to him). During the evening we didn’t speak to each other and nothing happened. I didn’t want something to happen. Just I was surprised that I was experiencing attraction to this stranger, having in mind I have never thought of another man, besides my husband.
Next week I met my friends again and there was he – Jake – alone, without the sexy chick. Pretending that I was not paying much attention I asked my best friend – Sarah – to tell me more about the girl. It turned out she was just a friend, not his girlfriend, and I felt so happy (and still the jealousy was not gone). This time we talked to each other but I don’t remember what exactly. It was not something important. The next week he was there again – he easily become a member of our friends’ group and soon after that I found out I was thinking only about the moment I will go out again and meet him. I hoped he would be there and feared if he was busy with something else. Soon we became very close to each other – something like best friends, but I knew I like him more than a friend. Also, I sensed Jake also shared my feelings. Meanwhile, the relationship with my husband didn’t change.
I started asking myself is having feelings for another man is considered emotional adultery? Would I do something more, except for the pictures I had only in my head? Probably I wouldn’t as I would never forgive myself for betraying John. However, sometimes we had normal argues with John and then I was calling Jake. He was my friend and he was giving me the support I needed. Not after long Jake knew all my secrets and dreams – he was my best friend, but I did like him as something more. John knew about Jake but he knew he was just a member of the group of friends. Actually, they met once and everything was normal.
7 months were gone till the first time I met Jake. We were so close – I felt him closer than my husband. Then we went to the cinema (Sarah, Jake, me, and several other friends). Jake and I sat next to each other. Then, in the middle of the movie he held my hand. My heart was going to explode. I left my hand inside his till the end of the movie.
I don’t know how that happened but soon we began holding hands in public and it seemed so normal. It was like we were a couple, but we still hadn’t kissed. Then one night when I was saying goodbye he kissed me – we were both so nervous because we wanted this to happen long ago. After that everything moved on so fast – the emotional adultery turned into a physical one. We kissed every time we met each other, we were scheduling dates secretly, and we were hiding. I was feeling guilty but I believe I already was in love with Jake.
Then one night we were alone at his home. John was on a business trip and it was the ideal moment finally to have sex with Jake. That happened 2 years after I met him for the first time. Everything was perfect, but I did not permit myself to repeat it. It was a moment in my life I will never forget. I am asking myself if I could turn back would I do the same. Even now, I cannot give an answer to this question.
John never found out about it. We are still happily married. Is emotional adultery possible when you love your partner – I guess it is? Emotional adultery is worse than just having sex without any feelings. You betray your partner not only physically. Now, I am in love with two men – John and Jake, but I am trying to be faithful.