I married young, when I was 19 years old, but I loved him deeply. I loved Mark more than myself – I enjoyed taking care of him. I even ironed his underwear and socks. And when my son was born -Steven, my happiness seemed complete. I had everything I wanted as a child, but to a point when I realized that Mark has an affair. It was his colleague, who I did not know. Well, I found out who she was – I saw her when one night I decided to follow him. He came out from the office with her – she was really beautiful, and younger than me. She looked like a schoolgirl. I could not resist and had a fight with him the same evening. Because I loved my cheating husband and he claimed the same for me. How could I accept infidelity in any other way than as a betrayal? Mark, of course, started to justify himself that she was only his colleague and nothing more. But otherwise they were close because they had to unite against the director. I felt that I should not trust him, but he began to behave more kindly with me. With the time I forgot about my suspicions. But only for the moment, till I found out about my cheating husband new girl.
He was caught with a girl from the neighborhood who had just finished high school. My neighbor Jessica saw them kissing in the park at the adjacent block. The gossip spread quickly throughout the neighborhood, and the worst was that this was not only a gossip. Mark again denied, but that schoolgirl betrayed him. One evening she came home, looking for my husband. Because he has golden hands – he was able to sticky tiles and terracotta, he is a skillful plumber and he is a master in electrical wiring. So she asked him to go with her at her apartment to fix a pipe that was broken. I was angry and asked her why she did not seek another specialist, and she blushed and immediately left. Then Mark got angry at me because I was rude to her. And he ran after her. Just after half hour my neighbor Jessica rang to tell me that saw them hugging around the block. I was powerless to stop him. I began to think about divorce as much as I loved him, but something stopped me. Especially the child who will be forced to live with his mother only. I was ashamed from my parents, that I will cause them problems and that all people will point the finger at me – at that time it was not looked well on divorced.
Therefore I squeezed teeth and told myself that I will cope with my cheating husband, but I’ll keep my family. I will fight for my husband and stave off all his lovers. My life passed that way – in a continuous war with another strange lover. I did not let my son know that his mother was unhappy. I created an illusion for him that we are a normal family and he had a happy childhood. Steven grow up, marry, my daughter-in-law is good and respects me. I can not complain about it. And Mark continued cheating behind my back, sleeping with young girls. Even my daughter-in-law had learned about that.
At 57, my cheating husband had a heart attack. He almost died. The doctors rescued him. But the second heart attack he failed to fight. In the evening I felt that something was not right. He called me into the bedroom to tell me that his heart was beating too fast. He asked me to hug him and he asked for forgiveness for the pain that he had caused me, adding that only I had a special place in his heart. And will stay there even when transferred to the other world. Apparently felt that will be the end. And then he said something I will always remember – that he was not afraid to die because there is somebody to hug him in the hours before his death.
It is a sin to say how much I hated my cheating husband and what cost me to pretend to be happy. I ask myself only – will there be someone for me who would embrace me when my time has come? I have wasted my whole life, pretending to have a happy family, and what’s the point?