Getting Married for a Second Time – Will This Time Be Forever?
How Children Affect the Relationship with the New Spouse You Married – How to Learn To Be a Parent
The fact is that many people get married for the second time in their lives, hoping this time their marriage will work. Most of them have experienced some form of trauma, such as loss of a husband / wife or divorce, and crave their new family to fulfill their lives with meaning. Their expectations are high, sometimes unrealistic and often lead them to making wrong decisions. Sometimes in their new marriage they find themselves in a position to be parents of children from a previous relationship of their new partner.
According to leading experts in the family sphere, over half of the second marriages end in divorce. Why is this so? It is believed that in most cases the main reason is again reaching the point of separation, characteristic of their previous relationship. This is helpful information for any man or woman who builds a nest for the second time, especially if there are stepchildren. What are the most common mistakes when entering mixed relationship:
Lack of patience
In biological families in most cases, partners have the opportunity to get to know each other for a long time before the birth of children. When children are born, parents most likely are involved in their construction. In mixed families there is an existing family unit, and a third person is joined from outside.
The common situation is the biological parent to put pressure on his new partner with a requirement that he/she quickly adopt children as a daily part ofhis/her responsibilities. He can put pressure on the children as well and expects them to quickly become friends with their new parent. Usually children react exactly in the opposite direction, using phrases such as: “She will never be my mother”; “Dad was better than you,” etc. Sometimes the new parent is doing everything possible to prove himself/herself and the more he/she tries, the more rejection he/she earns by children.
Other parents fall into the opposite situation – seek to impose their presence on the children of their new spouse. I know a man who told me he feels like a confident father, married a divorced woman with a 6-year-old girl who proudly explained to me that the child very quickly accepted as an authority after he hit her once or twice. Over the years, however, I watched this girl grow up as a rebellious teenager. That man did not understand that children will not receive a new parent just like that – it takes more of terms, conditions, and physical violence. Incredibly, one of the main reasons children have trouble connecting with the new parent is the fear that they could lose him again.
If you are in this situation, remember – it takes time before new parents and children to unite and become friends. Give yourself enough time for that and not force things. Learn to listen both your partner and the children, instead of quickly giving them instructions, and either correct – after all they have been in a long time together.
Inability to control emotions
Some parents in blended families tend to leave their anger and internal injuries to possess and manage their lives. Children can quickly lose confidence in their new parent, if they witness situations where he / she hurts mom or dad. It is even worse if they hear insulting remarks about their former father or mother. Children are extremely sensitive in recognizing the relationships behind the emotions so it is hard you can hide and deceive them.
Inadequate ways of making trust
Attempts to replace the biological parent, excessive expectation of closeness and connection with your children, buying expensive gifts and “bribery” by the new parent can bring the opposite effect. In the process of familiarization with your new family, do not miss to stay positive, natural, be yourself and to spend time in entertainment, laughter and sports. Exactly these activities will unite the new family.